


this is our start line

by EmeraldRoses



Category: NCT (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: + lucas, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Discovery, This is basically a vent fic, Trans Character, Transphobia, about gender & sexual identities, about self discovery, added the dreamies bc why not, all of skz will be here, relationships not settled yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 02:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16883904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldRoses/pseuds/EmeraldRoses
Summary: Discovering who you are is difficult, but even more so when you're sixteen and barely have a grip on life as it is. Let Hwang Hyunjin tell you about that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter talks about religion for a bit. some other chapters may touch on religion, as well, so please read at your own risk!

The internet is a vast place. It's filled to the brim with so much information and millions of people surfing every single day. When you're a teenager, you rely on the internet for a lot of things. Entertainment, research, homework, friends. Hyunjin has never been an exception to this, being on the internet a lot since he was first able to get his hands on a phone, which happened to be when he was 4 years old.

The internet is what helped him through high school, though the tough times. The hate and the threats, the struggles of figuring out who he really was on the inside.

His story has only just truly begun.

But let's start at the beginning.

 

☆

 

Born March 20th, 2000.

Currently sixteen years old, and a sophmore in high school.

A popular sophmore, mind you.

With flowing black locks, a delicate face, a beauty mark to add to the artistic features.

That is young Hwang Hyunjin, in all of her glory.

She was someone that people pined after, either to date or to be friends with. Someone that people stopped and stared at when she walkes the halls. She was radiant, with a smile that always managed to light up the dimmest rooms, and a heart of gold to match.

Hyunjin, contrary to what the media portrays, was no mean girl in high school. She had the looks and the walk, but she could never be mean to save her life. She was sensitive for good measure, but knew how to be stern when needed.

She's a loveable girl, someone that everyone wants to be around, and Hyunjin always knew that about herself.

Despite her kindness, the true smiles she always gave people, there were still people who despised her. This was unavoidable in high school, kids always hated for the littlest things, but Hyunjin always did her best to never let the hate get to her.

There was no use in crying over mean words, Hyunjin told herself, but there were always times when she couldn't help herself, and let some tears fall due to comments.

Hyunjin's life started spiralling downwards when a boy in school came out as gay.

His name was Seo Changbin.

He was a junior, just a year older than Hyunjin, and absolutely no one expected him to be gay.

Korea had always been a rather conservative country. Topics such as being gay or bisexual weren't typically discussed, and there was rarely ever talk of transgender people. In fact, Hyunjin often thought that Korea went out of its way to not talk about such things.

When Changbin came out as gay, Hyunjin's school was buzzing.

Though he had done nothing wrong, Changbin began to get hate. His things were constantly stolen, shoes constantly taken, graffiti on his desk. Hyunjin only knew of these things because a lot of her friends were responsible for the bullying.

And this made Hyunjin think a lot.

Hyunjin, in no way, came from a very religious family. In fact, religiom had never played much of a big part in her family's life. They prayed at big events, however, and did attend church now and again with her grandparents, but Hyunjin never considered herself to be a solidified Christian or anything of the sorts.

She stared at her phone one night, in the darkness of her room, around midnight. Google was on the screen, showing search results for the question she had typed:

_is it wrong to be gay?_

Many of the search results that came up were articles, news and blogs alike, with a title similar to what she had typed. Hyunjin didn't know where to begin.

She skimmed through many of them, trying to gather as much information as she could. She swiped her bangs out of her face occasionally, focused too much on her task at hand. Most of them were the same. Referencing the Bible and religion as reasons for why being gay was wrong, why it was a sin. Using God and Jesus as teachers of a hateful way that made Hyunjin frown to herself.

Checking the clock, it was then 2:23 AM.

She had spent over two hours reading articles about if being anything but straight was wrong.

Hyunjin sighed out to herself, locking her phone and setting it on her night stand. She rolled onto her back and stared at the blankness of her ceiling. She didn't know what to think. She didn't know what to do.

Her eyes closed, and she fell into sleep.

 

The next day, Hyunjin woke up with an oddly determined demeanour. As she dressed for school, she made the decision for herself. Being gay wasn't wrong. There was nothing wrong with being attracted to or loving someone of the same sex. Why would there be? Through vague memories of bible verses and stories, Hyunjin had always remembered what the pastors and others said: "God loves everyone, no matter the sin."

So if being gay was a sin, then God would love those people, anyways.

Wouldn't he?

Hyunjin headed off to school after breakfast, meeting up with her usual pack of friends to walk together. Her morning routine was just as it always was, until she got to school.

The atmosphere in the school was different. People were quieter, whispering and mumbling to each other, and Hyunjin didn't like it.

"What's going on?" she had asked one of her friends, a young man named Donghyuck.

"You didn't hear?"

Hyunjin shook her head.

"That gay kid, Changbin -- apparently he got beat up in the gym this morning." Donghyuck said, an odd look at his face. Hyunjin couldn't tell if it was pity or disappointment.

"That's terrible," Hyunjin murmured, "Why would they do something like that? He hasn't done anything to hurt anyone."

Donghyuck shrugged, and their morning resumed.

The rest of the day went by, with everyone talking about the events with Changbin, and Hyunjin secretly wishing to punch whoever had beat the poor boy up. It was hard to be secretly supportive of someone that so many people hated. And it conflicted Hyunjin a lot.

Her friends were good people and she knew it, but when they would talk bad about Changbin, or hint about being glad that he's not in class, her heart would sink. There is nothing wrong with being gay, she reminded herself during one of her final classes of the day. Being gay is probably natural.

 

Conflicted with herself, Hyunjin struggled to keep herself quiet and calm about the situation with Changbin. He had returned to school a few days after the incident, with a black eye and a cast on his left wrist, and the sight truly made Hyunjin want to cry. She wasn't sure if her upperclassman really had any friends or not, as she never saw him too often, and he was always alone when she did see him.

Eventually, Hyunjin could no longer keep the concern to herself.

The Monday following the incident, six days later, Hyunjin decided to take action. It was lunch, and instead of sitting with her friends as usual, she took an adventurous step.

She made her way to Changbin's classroom, entered with a gracious smile and a bow to the fellow upperclassmen, before she made her way to Changbin's desk. He was sitting there, head down and focused on getting his sandwich opened.

"Do you want help?" Hyunjin asked, voice soft.

Changbin jolted, head flying up, eyes meeting Hyunjin's in a brief moment. They stared at each other, an almost time pausing contest, before Changbin gave in, holding up the sandwich with a deflated look.

Smiling, Hyunjin took the sandwich and gingerly unwrapped it for him. She handed it back with a smile.

"Thanks," Changbin's voice was low, it was rather deep in octaves, but he kept himself quiet. "Um. What are you doing here?"

Changbin was no fool. He knew who this girl was; he knew who Hwang Hyunjin was. He'd be an idiot if he didn't.

Hyunjin, remaining quiet for a minute, decided to pull the desk next to Changbin's closer, and sat down in the chair.

"Well, I..." Hyunjin paused, trying to find the right words in her brain. "I wanted to... tell you that I support you."

There was a pause. Silence between them.

The rest of the classroom was buzzing with lunch time activities, but in their space, their little bubble, it was quiet.

"What?"

"I support you." Hyunjin repeated. Her hands fumbled together on top of the desk as she stared at them. "Being gay. I don't think it's wrong like a lot of people here do." She said, voice soft.

Changbin's gaze moved towards her, staring at the side of her face.

"I've been thinking about it since you came out," she confessed, still staring at her hands. "A... A lot of my friends hint at not liking you because of it and I don't understand why. You seem like such a nice person, you haven't done anything. All you did was say you like boys. And I don't see anything wrong with that."

Hyunjin lifted her head some then, turning to look at Changbin, and gave him a smile. "I want you to know that I'll be your friend. If you need anyone. I might be... popular... but I am really ordinary."

This talk was something Changbin hadn't expected, and Hyunjin could see that. He stared at her with wide eyes, staying quiet even after she had finished.

It was a bit awkward then, as Changbin did nothing but stare. Eventually, he turned to stare at his sandwich, which he hadn't even touched yet, and Hyunjin slowly stood up from the desk. She smoothed down her skirt, pushing the desk back into its original place, and cleared her throat quietly.

"Thanks," whispered Changbin.

Hyunjin was a little taken aback, turning and looking at the older boy.

His eyes seemed a bir watery, and he had a very slight smile on his face.

Hyunjin smiled, simply bowing her head a bit. "No problem."

She left the classroom then, not caring about the stares that followed her, and returned to her own class before the bell rang. Hyunjin felt so much better after that, after finally being able to say it out loud.

Hyunjin had thought about the consequences over the weekend, and she knew about a lot of things that may follow her boldness.

Only she didn't expect all of them to hit at once.

Nor did she expect to find herself in her own hole of fear, self hatred, and a plethora of insecurities.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some homophobic language used in this chapter, and the beginning feelings of gender dysphoria are described, as well as the human female body. that's a reason this is rated as mature, just in case. please be careful!

The next morning is when Hyunjin's life started to turn on its axis. Slowly, but surely, it was turning upside down.

She didn't meet with her friends that morning, in fact, they seemed to be no where around. Her phone had been rather silent all last night, which was unusual, but after meeting with Changbin, it seemed that something shifted in her school, and her life.

Hyunjin walked to school alone that morning, and it seemed that there were more eyes on her than usual. She didn't pay much attention to it, but it got harder as she was in class, with none of her friends talking to her or engaging with her, and everyone kept watching her. She felt awkward, more awkward than she ever had in her life.

But she still didn't seem to mind.

At least, until she started to hear the whispers.

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"She went and saw that... gay kid."

"No way! Really?! Are they friends?"

Hyunjin's eyes flicked over to the two girls talking about her, causing them to squeak in surprise, before they scurried off away from her. She frowned, gazing back at her school work, before class begun.

By the time lunch rolled around, Hyunjin was alone. Her friends were estranged to her now, and she knew it was because the whole school probably knew abour her meeting Changbin. But for some strange reason, Hyunjin felt fine. She knew she did the right thing, and if that meant losing people with different opinions, or with too fragile of egos, then she was fine with that. She wanted to be friends with Changbin to begin with.

What really surprised her was when Changbin walked through her classroom door, instant whispers and murmurs and gasps, making Hyunjin look up in her seat.

She beamed when she saw him, standing from her desk, and Changbin returned with a kind smile.

"Changbin oppa, what are you doing here?"

Changbin scratched the side of his neck a little. "Wondered if you wanted to have lunch."

Hyunjin nodded, rather excitedly, and grabbed her lunch, following Changbin out of the classroom. Once they were a ways away, Changbin spoke up.

"I wanted to introduce you to some people, too." He paused. "If that's okay."

"Friends?" she asked.

"Yeah. Sort of."

She raised an eyebrow slightly, but nodded, smiling. "Sure, that'd be nice." She failed to continie her thoughts and mention how she could use some new ones, since it seemed most of hers were suddenly distressed or repulsed by her actions.

The two of them walked, idly chatting, for a few minutes, before they came to a stop outside of the gym building. Changbin gestured and they moved around the side, stopping in front of a small gathering of other students. There were two people she recognized, but the rest were unknown to her.

"Guys," Changbin spoke up first, clearing his throat a bit. "This is, uh..."

"Hwang Hyunjin!" someone gasped softly, and Hyunjin lifted her head a little to look at who it was. She wasn't sure, as she didn't regocnize his face, but he had glasses and a set of braces on his face, and looked like a freshman.

"Uh... yeah. This is her. The um... the girl I told you about yesterday."

"You didn't tell me that  _she_ was the one who came to you" Brace boy whined. "She's like, the most popular girl in school!"

"Hoping to catch a break?" another boy teased, nudging at Brace boy's shoulder. The young boy made a noise, face flushing, before he adjusted his glasses 

Hyunjin couldn't help but giggle.

"I don't think she would've liked the attention." Changbin defended himself, before flopping down onto the ground by a third boy Hyunjin didn't recognize. "Um, you can sit... oh, by Chan hyung. On the bench."

Hyunjin tilted her head a little, before doing just that. The older looking boy on the bench moved over, allowing Hyunjin to sit next to sit next to him, and smiled in her direction.

"Welcome to the fag club," the older boy, renamed Chan in Hyunjin's head, said with an amused tone. The other boys laughed, making Hyunjin smile a little. "Don't worry, we say that ourselves. Sort of accept it now." he shrugged.

"You guys just... call yourselves that?"

"Yeah," spoke up another boy. It was one she recognized. "Sort of feels like we're... reclaiming something people use for hate. If we use it against ourselves, doesn't hurt so much when others do it." he said, shrugging.

She nodded, watching him for a moment, before her gaze went back to Changbin.

"Right," Changbin shifted on his hands. "You guys should introduce yourselves."

Next to her, Chan shook her hand and introduced himself again. He was a senior, Bang Chan. Around the small circle of about 10 boys, their names went like this:

Bang Chan, senior. Kim Seungmin, sophmore. Lee Jeno, sophmore. Zhong Chenle, freshman. Lee Minho, senior. Na Jaemin, sophmore. Lee Felix, freshman. Han Jisung, sophmore. Yang Jeongin, freshman (obviously so). And last but not least, Seo Changbin, junior.

"We have another member, but he's running late. Guess you can meet him next-"

"Sorry I'm late!!"

A rather tall boy came barreling towards them, waving an arm in the air. Hyunjin looks up with the rest of the group, and she swore that her face warmed up. She  _knew_ who this person was.

"Yukhei! You're always late," Jaemin moaned, tossing a pebble at the new arrival. 

Wong Yukhei, another popular student like Hyunjin, simply beamed, grinning, before sliding down to sit by Changbin. He hadn't even noticed Hyunjin's presence until he looked up at the bench to greet Chan.

"Whoa! New comer!" he gasped, making Hyunjin jump a little. He turned to Changbin, nudging him. "Is she a lesbian? Why's she here?"

Changbin rolled his eyes. "No, she's not gay. But she came to me the other day and said she supports me, so... I wanted you guys to meet someone who  _wasn't_ an ass about us not being straight."

"Is that why you guys call yourselves..."

"The fag club?" Chan smiled, nodding. "Yeah, none of us are straight."

Hyunjin nodded, head tilting a bit.

"Me, Minho, Seungmin, and Chenle are all bi. We like guys and girls." Chan said.

"But mostly dick!" Minho raised his hand.

Chan snorted, waving his hand. "But everyone else is full on gay."

Hyunjin's eyes widened a bit. She hadn't expected such a popular boy as Yukhei to be gay, but then again, this whole situation was completely unexpected. But she faulted none of them. She felt rather accepted, being allowed into this sort of "club," and it made her happy. Made her smile.

Suddenly, she felt like she had a place that she belonged, at least for now.

 

☆

 

Hyunjin has always felt comfortable in her body. She always felt fine being young, beautiful Hwang Hyunjin. There was nothing wrong with her, not really in the slightest, and she was actually very proud of her own appearance. But since she met Changbin and the Club, she's felt off. Not in terms of her sexuality; she had always liked boys. Girls were beautiful to her, but in an admiration sort of way. She always told herself that she was envious of models and how they looked.

Now, staring at herself in the mirror of her bathroom, Hyunjin wasn't sure of what she thought about herself. She had a nice figure, especially for just a sixteen year old, but her breasts had started developing earlier than most girls. She knew this, and it was probably a reason why she was hated in middle school, and why she became popular in high achool.

She stared at herself, in her naked stature, examining her body as best as she could. She reached up, touching the beauty mark under her eye gentle, before she dropped her hand, moving the other to her chest. Her hands hovered above her breasts then, simply covering them from view of the mirror.

For some reason, Hyunjin liked this view of herself. No breasts. No reasons to be stared at. But she still would be, with her hair and her face. She was beautiful, Hyunjin knew that she was, but she had never been conceited. In fact, she hated the attention most of the time. Girls were always only envious of her hair and makeup and face, boys only wanted to go to second base and touch her boobs.

She frowned to herself, lowering her hands, pressing them to the sink as she leaned herself forward a bit.

Hyunjin somehow felt ashamed of herself then. She didn't know why she seemed to be questioning herself so much, why she was suddenly so obsessed with keeping eyes away from her. Teenagers always had it hard, the media protrayed it well, but not well enough. Korean shows never talked about gender, and it was rare for dramas or movies to even remotely include gay people. South Korea was getting there, but not fast enough for Hyunjin.

She dressed herself before exiting the bathroom, headed straight to her room, phone in hand.

Quietly, she shut the door, before climbing into her bed and opening her phone. Her hands were shaking, and she wasn't sure why.

Hyunjin took a deep breath after opening Google, and typed in her query.

_what is transgender?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop there it is
> 
> welp!!! i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. tbh i might just do my own thing and mayhaps do hyunjin/lucas for the endgame ship and no one can stop me, okay.
> 
> still haven't decided any other ships though, but we'll get there!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where the story becomes a more focused on self discovery and hyunjin's gender issues.
> 
> warnings for descriptions of gender dysphoria and homophobic language again.

It had been a few weeks since Hyunjin became a sort of honourary member of Changbin's club. They slowly became her new friends, a new place to feel accepted and wanted. But while she was accepted by the Club, the rest of the school began to circulate rumours. Her old friends began to disappear from her life, and her entire world had been decidedly flipped.

Today, it was raining. Heavily. So much so, that even with a jacket and her umbrella, Hyunjin still managed to get wet all over, even her hair. Today was different. Her hair wasn't flowing down her shoulders like usual, it wasn't in a pretty ponytail or in cute pigtails. No, today, Hyunjin had put her hair all the way up, into a bun. No strands touched the back of her neck, and her hair seemed almost non existent with how tight she had made it. It hurt, but Hyunjin liked the way she looked in the mirror.

She liked how she didn't look like a girl.

 

 

Weeks ago, Hyunjin lied wide awake in bed, staring at her phone. She read article upon article and too many blogs to count about what it meant to be transgender. South Korea was barely starting to acknowledge the LGBT community, so she had only heard of the word 'transgender' a handful of times. As she read about it, the cogs in her brain began turning. Something in her...  _clicked_ when she learned about it.

The basic definition of transgender, she gathered, was someone who does not feel comfortable as the sex they were assigned with at birth. Girls who felt they were meant to be boys, and boys who felt they were meant to be girls. However, not drag queens or kings.

Her mind had begun churning that night, as she laid awake, staring at her empty ceiling.

 

 

Hyunjin walked into school that week, head raised and shoulders proud. Her insides were confused, but she couldn't let that be known just yet. She hadn't told anyone about her online adventure, or the fact that she had secretly joined an online LGBTQ forum. For the past few weeks, Hyunjin was secretly leading a double life.

She would sneak onto her phone all day, reading different blogs and forum posts, and making her own as she talked about how she was starting to struggle with herself internally. For some reason, she couldn't bring herself to tell the Club about it just yet 

They were all completely sure of their own identities, especially their genders. None of them would be able to understand the thoughts that were forming in her mind. Not even Hyunjin could understand what was happening to her.

 

 

As she spent more and more time on the forum, Hyunjin decided on something. She made a bold move.

**hwangjin (02:33)**

_hello, it's me again. i've decided on something big. if you wouldn't mind, could everyone please start referring to me as a boy? he/him pronouns only for now._

Hand shaking, Hyunjin posted the response on the forum. And suddenly, there were dozens of replies. Her only friends showering her --  _him --_ with compliments. Referring to Hyunjin as a boy and using the pronouns she had asked.

Warmth bloomed in her chest, and tears pricked at her eyes. They fell, her hand clutching onto her phone.

She was happy. Oh, God, was she happy.

Being referred to in this way, it made Hyunjin the happiest she had ever felt in her life. And she wanted it to continue.

But what did this mean?

Her brain had a hard time calculating the information. A hard time grasping onto the concept of what decision Hyunjin was about to make in her life.

 

 

A week after Hyunjin had made her post, she was glowing in happiness everywhere she went. Her online friends were helping her feel clearer and clearer about her choice, her identity. What she wanted to be seen as. But school made it difficult for her to put on a happy face.

Changbin still faced bullying, and now, Hyunjin had become apart of the bullies' routine. Rude notes would be shoved into her desk, harmful words like "dyke" and "faggot" written out on the wood, and once, she had even been cornered and almost assaulted in the hallway once. But she had been saved by Chan, who happened to be skipping his class.

 

 

It was Wednesday when Hyunjin decided to finally be clear with herself. To finally make a decision.

She had been going through weeks of endless gender dysphoria, what it was called for transgender people who were upset with their bodies. She struggled to smile whenever someone called her a beautiful young lady, when her parents called her their daughter, when she looked in the mirror and saw her hair falling over her shoulders and breasts.

Suddenly, it was all too much.

Her feminine looks. The skirts, the pronouns, the honourifics.

It wasn't what she wanted. This body, these looks; they weren't her.

They weren't  _him_.

Hyunjin.

 _He_ was Hyunjin.

He. Not she. Not her.

"Not a girl," Hyunjin whispered to the mirror, staring at himself in the mirror. "I'm not a girl." He spoke a bit louder to himself. "I am Hyunjin. I... I'm a boy."

Saying the words he had written online out loud felt odd, but it felt so  _relieving_.

"I am a boy."

And he was.

Hyunjin cried himself to sleep that night. He brain was filled with all of the pros and cons to his decision. He knew. He knew that this would be one of the biggest decisions in his life, and it could possibly ruin it. His whole life could come crashing down on top of him and suffocate him. The thoughts of losing his family or being disowned was terrifying, but Hyunjin couldn't handle the lies anymore. After that night, Hyunjin began changing his life. Slowly, but surely.

The biggest shock to everyone was when Hyunjin walked into school the following Monday, hair completely cut off. Hyunjin had to keep the façade of being a girl for his and for school, just for a while longer, but he had convinced his parents to allow him to cut his hair short; into a bob, that framed his face quite well, and allowed him to have a breather from his long hair days. He still looked feminine, but this made him feel more comfortable in his female body, until he could start to change himself.

At lunch on Monday, Hyunjin went to meet the Club outside of the gym building as usual, and was greeted by a million questions regarding his hair.

Hyunjin could only give a small smile, before declaring, "I have to tell you guys something."

That made everyone quiet down very quickly.

Hyunjin sat down on the bench, this time next to Changbin, and stared at his lap for a minute.

"For... for the past month or so, I've been living a... a secret life online." Hyunjin spoke, voice soft, threatening to break at any moment. "After I met all of you, I started thinking about identities more. Sexualities and gender identities. I... I googled a bit, and I found this... LGBTQ forum. I joined, to learn more about the community." He swallowed then, his throat and mouth suddenly dry. "I... I started to question my own gender."

He glanced up, seeing everyone's eyes boring into him intently. He suddenly felt the urge to burst into tears, but forced himself to remain calm. "I... for the past week... I had made a post, a week and a half ago, asking everyone on there to... to call me... a boy. To use he and him for me." Hyunjin's voice suddenly cracked, and he could feel the tears dropping from his face.

"I'm a boy." Hyunjin finally confessed, lifting his head up. He was crying, but he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders as he said it. "I'm... a boy. I... I wasn't born in the right body. I'm something called... transgender." He swallowed roughly again, his voice absolutely shaky, and a bit high in pitch. "I don't know if- if you guys have ever heard of it, but yeah. That's why I cut my hair. As best I could, without giving myself away."

The club was silent around Hyunjin as he sat there, rubbing tears away from his eyes. He felt like crying even harder, and opened his mouth to beg them to say something, anything, until an arm went around his shoulders.

Changbin, next to him, had the softest smile Hyunjim had ever seen from him, plastered to his face. His eyes were wide, a bit hazy, full of sincerity and adoration. It made Hyunjin hiccup a sob. Changbin pulled him into a hug then, and Hyunjin broke down into tears.

"That was really brave, Hyunjin." Changbin whispered, his nose against the younger's hair.

"We accept you!" Jeongin suddenly piped up, adjusting his glasses on his face.

Hyunjin peered over towards everyone else, and saw them all heading over. Suddenly, Hyunjin was in a giant group hug. He was crying, but he began laughing as he felt everyone around him. Love, warmth, the acceptance of the Club made Hyunjin happier than he could ever describe. After two minutes or so of hugging, everyone let go and sat down again, and Hyunjin wiped off his eyes as he held onto Changbin's hand.

"So, are you straight now?" Minho suddenly asked.

"Minho!" Chan smacked him in the arm, hard.

"Ow!"

Hyunjin blinked, before shrugging. "Uh... no. I... I still like boys. I've never liked girls that way before, but not because I thought being gay was wrong." he said.

"So... you're gay now?" Seungmin raised an eyebrow.

Hyunjin thought for a moment, before nodding. "I'm a boy, and I like boys. I'd think that counts as being gay, right?" He glanced over at Changbin, who he was still holding hands with.

"That makes sense," he nodded, and so did many of the others in the group.

"Thanks for coming out to us, Hyunjin." Chan smiled from across the circle. Hyunjin smiled back. "Do you want us to call you a different name or something?"

Thinking, Hyunjin shook his head. "No, Hyunjin is still fine. My name has always been unisex to begin with, so... I still like it a lot."

Chan nodded, giving him a thumbs up.

The rest of their lunch period when fine, with Hyunjin clinging to Changbin's side. But the whole time, Hyunjin could feel someone watching him. He had glanced around the circle, and noticed Yukhei was constantly staring at him. But they never made eye contact, and Hyunjin didn't bother asking him why he was watching after lunch was over 

Coming out to the Club had been much easier than Hyunjin expected, but it was still going to be hard, putting on a mask every day, until he could finally come out to his parents. Maybe even to his school.

Hyunjin didn't like to think too much into the future, though, and he wasn't ready to think of thr consequences that could follow. For now, his best friends knowing was good enough for Hyunjin.


End file.
